No means, smile and walk away calmly, and no!

I have an irrational swell of what I can best describe as rage at being told,  no. 

It took a great deal of time for me to master this because it isnt always simply,  no.

Sometimes its to late,  to much,  to far,  or they are,  tired,  need to eat,  have plans. 

And what makes all of these things worse,  is I am impulsive. 

So I have to tell myself no often.  I regularly have conversations in my own head where i sound like me another voice,  most often that of my father,  lays out the logical but gruff version of why or why not.

So i got told no tonight,  it happens alot,  and my moment in the sun happened.  I was ok with it. 

I didnt even realize it happened till my dads voice rang out in my head.  He smiles and make this raspy high pitched voice almost like his normal speaking voice (btw he is still very much alive and really does this exact thing ) and says to me. 

Good job!  very excitedly.  I sometimes almost answer these outloud this was one of those moments.  what was?

Back there no,  and you just went about your buisness. 

I am clincally crazy,  but I like the voices in my head most of the time. 

I sometimes think voices and xanax could cure anyone. 

CB